My Psychiatrist Was Brutally Honest Today, That's What Makes Him A Great Dr.

Well finally I made it to see Dr. L . Scott Richards, my Psychiatrist.  I thought of so many reasons why I could miss this appointment today; because I honestly did not want to hear what he had to say.  Like I said he is very brutally honest.  Joe was able to go with me today and that is always nice.  Joe knows Dr. Richard's as my husband and also as a Deputy Sheriff.  I am struggling very bad with my EDO's.  And I hate the word,"PRACTICING", because to me practicing is like playing the piano or getting ready to compete in something. But in the EDO world the professionals say any EDO behaviors is "practicing."  And when I was asked my list of questions today and I was asked if I was practicing, I was honest.  I am out of control as far as my EDO's .  I am heavily practicing for fear of gaining wt.  I am using pseudoephedrine, chromium, and laxatives.  The first two give me much needed energy and suppress my appetite. Laxatives just purge the colon of nutrients and can cause an electrolyte imbalance.  When asked if I have been having chest pain or palpitations I was honest again. "Yes", I have been.  I can usually ignore them and they pass.  Other times I must lay down and try and sleep them off.

Today I was told that , "I Will Die!" If I do NOT STOP the use of pseudoephedrine and laxatives.  I will have a major heart attack and most likely die.  Dr. Richards asked Joe if he had life insurance on me.  Joe answered yes of course.  Silly as it may seem to others, it makes sense to me! I don't have time to go into a treatment facility at this time in my life.  I have a new grand baby on the way and a son who counts on both Joe and I. 

I don't want to die.  I have to much to live for.  I know what I need to do.  I must surrender all of my laxatives and pseudoephedrine and give them to Joe to dispose of.  I must do every thing I can to stay a live. I must realize that being thin is not worth dying for.  Lord please help me overcome these deadly EDO's and stop the depression that follow them.  I can't do this on my own.  I am so very blessed that I have a husband who loves me and who understands me and my illnesses.  He has done his homework by reading up on them and finding as much information as possible to educate himself.  Plus he keeps in touch with my physicians and treatment team.  Please pray for me my friends.  I will not die without a fight.  I plan to call a counselor next week so that I can get in and work through the things that are keeping me stuck in this EDO world.   Talk to you all soon!  Love and God Bless!
                                                                                Pam