The Fear Of Food Is Horribly Overwhelming.....

I tremble with fear just thinking about the big gathering tomorrow with all of that food...I have memories from my childhood pop up that I have blocked for years, since age 7, that keep coming up..out of the blue..I feel horrific pain related to my past...all brought on by the holidays which were a very happy time up until I turned 7.  I know my siblings were horribly affected too, as well as my dad.  My brother ,Chris, won't have to face his demons this year.  This is our first Thanksgiving with out Chris..he was way to young to die.  You see..Chris had the opposite Eating Disorder than me.. he was a binge eater with out purging, and he hit his highest wt. at 500 pounds...I know the emotional pain he was in...Food was comforting for him...where I am the flip side...It scares the hell out of me.....I thought surely , as I got older, that my EDO's would just "Go Away!"  That was just wishful thinking...if anything it has intensified.  Here it is 2:50 .m. and I haven't allowed myself to eat one thing today so far.  You see my husband, whom I love more than life its self, got up bright and early this moring and made more pies and a chocolate cake.  He is sooo good in the kitchen.  Me...I steer clear of the kitchen... Joe is a great cook and loves to bake and cook .. It's his way of relaxing...he loves to cook and bake for others... where I can cook and I always saw to it that my children ate healthy meals...I seldom sat down and ate with them , looking back..if I did , it was one meal a day.                            My husband and our daughter both have to work tomorrow. :(  My husband makes it easier for me to go to festivities with family and food.  Tomorrow will be hard.  Of course he will be able to stop in and try and have a quick bite , providing that there are not any Deputy calls at that particular time. Our oldest son and family will be there and maybe our youngest son.. .  As I have said this before, "I Wouldn't Wish EDO's of any kind on anyone... Love you guys and may be back later on today or tonight...
                                                                     Love and Godbless!

                                                                                PKS