Nerves a mess, can't concentrate, can't sit still, the one thing I am good at is "sleeping"...Oh Ya!!! As long as all is well with Tony and he is settled for the night..I can easily sleep 12hrs. ,but generally Tony wakes me with a happy greeting, "Mama! Time To Get Up & I Have Made Fresh Coffee!" Makes me happy, yet so sad to see our youngest son, go through various stages of ages, due to his brain injury...Tony has really regressed the past month or so...almost like a 5 year old child...very insecure at times, but easily reassured just knowing that his mom and dad are here to keep his world safe and knowing that he is loved unconditionally...You see, when Tony was assaulted, he was left for dead. It is a miracle that he survived at all. God gave us our son back. You see we just don't have children until they are 18 and officially an adult...when we decide to have children, it is like my vows to my husband, "till death to us part". No, it hasn't been easy..the road to recover with Tony. It turned our entire world upside down when he was assaulted. He had to learn to do everything all over again. And I do mean everything...all except his hygiene and using the bathroom...he was always picky about his looks, and being clean, and he didn't forget how to do all of that! You see caring for Tony is a 24-7 job..He suffers from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from his assault..everyday is a new day of remembering some small piece of that horrible day....Please don't get me wrong..Joe and I don't mind taking care of our son, or any of our kids for that part.. We love them....I'll tell you more about our son and what it's like to live with a child who has suffered a Brain Injury.
What was I thinking....??? I've been an emotional mess lately..trying to juggle my college classes, Joe's upcoming biopsy/removal of his lymph nodes..scares the hell out of me...don't know what I would do with out my Joe...with increased stress...my EDO's really are hard on me...some people eat when the stress level is up in their lives...not me...I can't eat....better yet...I DON'T EAT! And I am on an antidepressent to balance the hormones that are out of whack....and guess who forgot to have that med refilled??? But of course....yours truly...I will probably be a babbling, bawling, crazed anorexic, bulimic, mess by Monday.
I wasn't thinking...not until I found that I was totally out of Zoloft! I've been on Prozac, it helped, but it gave me the tremors and when you are trying to start IV's on an infant or child you need a steady hand, I tried Paxil....did not help, then Cymbalta and even Lithium, both worked but my liver couldn't tolerate them. I strongly recommend Cymbalta for anyone who is depressed and has all over body aches....this med is a wonder drug..but my liver couldn't handle it...so Zoloft it is and Clonazepam for anxiety and what they call "Nocturnal Myoclonus " or muscle twitching during your sleep...it did resolve that...They tried to put me on Zyprexa , but I'm not dumb!!! They use that for many uses, but one is for Anorexia! Duh! Did my Dr. think that I wouldn't do my research on that drug??? For anorexics it increases your appetite, like a horse! I told them NO WAY!!! You know I was even approached to do a Marijuanna(Pot) sorry if I spelled that wrong, but a study where I would use pot to boost my appetite...It would be all legal...Of course I refused! Smoke pot to make me eat! That is crazy!!! LOL...well I have rambled and rambled and rambled ....I'll be back..pray I don't get to emotional being off my meds for a few days...My husband is so wonderful and so very understanding! Talk to you all soon!
PKS
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