My husband, Joe, is my very best friend. He is so vibrant and full of life. The closer we get to his lymph node removal surgery, the more apprehensive I am getting. I shouldn't because "God" is in charge and he loves each and everyone of us. As the stress increases I find old patterns slipping back in so easily...it's almost like breathing to me. Fighting off the urge not to practice is horrible right now...Again...I hate that word with a passion! I Repeat...I Am Not Practicing The Piano...hell ...I don't even know how to play the piano other than with one finger playing twinkle,twinkle, little star.......! I think I am feeling worried about Joe because he didn't get to come home for lunch today. And I missed that 20-30 minutes together ..we cherish every moment. I very easily could have just forgot to eat today..yes...forget to eat...it is that easy for me. I had a counselor address that issue of "forgetting to eat." You ask any full blown in relapse anorexic or bulimic if that is unusual , unusual to forget to eat, and they will agree with me. The counselor's come back was, "HOW DO YOU FORGET TO EAT? DO YOU FORGET TO PUT CLOTHES ON BEFORE YOU GO TO THE GROCERY STORE? I KNOW YOU DON'T, SO YOU CAN'T USE THAT AS AN EXCUSE ANYMORE!!!" LOL! He was right ya know. 100% right on.... I did think about "forgetting" to eat today...but I didn't. I could hear that counselor bellowing! LOL! I had a bowl of cereal with a banana and my coffee. Little skimpish, but hey, get off my back, I ate. You know who you are! And I Love You!! Please Don't Give Me The Stink Eye For To Long! LOL... I did something sorta stupid today.. I had always wondered if those amp of energy bottle thingy's work. I chose grape flavored and I drank it down! Did it work? No!! Infact it had the paradoxyl effect on me.. I crashed on the love seat for a few hours and had heart palpitations...dumb..dumb...dumb...I will NOT do that again.. It was a sleepless night around here last night and a very early morning. Re-raising a child through their teen years is a very difficult task. Wouldn't change it for the world, so lucky that child lived through that brutal assault. Can't think about it much or that is an entirely new stressor. Please pray with me everyone, that Joe's biopsy will not come back as "Cancer". I sometimes wonder if it was a good idea to schedule it so close to Christmas...Shut-up Pam..think positive and place it in God's hands please...place it in God's hands! I would be lost with out Joe by my side, incredibly lost. Oh My Goodness!!! PEW!!! One of these canine kids has incredible gas!!! Glad it's only gas...I will try and be upbeat and not so sad next post!!! Love you guys!!!
Pam :) AKA PKS
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