My heart starts racing, my mind and thoughts fly into a horrible panic and I hate it!!! I am an enemy ,being held captive by my own silly fears of getting fat and eating any morsel of food . I am a "Grandma" for Heaven's Sakes and I am going to be the BIG "50" next June! I'm tired of missing family events ,letting my EDO's control my actions, my emotions, my choices, my thoughts, my feelings, and my entire existence!!! I have fear foods! Yes, fear foods, that scare the living hell of me . When I was in treatment in Iowa City @ The University Of Iowa Hospitals & Clinics for the very first time, because I have been there more than once, we EDO patients were given a choice of three foods that were called our "hate foods" that we would not ever have to eat. My hate foods were..."Mashed Potatoes,Beets, And Those huge stuffed shelled noodles (stuffed with racaddi cheese) forgive my spelling." And it was a huge relief knowing that these 3 foods I would never be forced to eat.
This is incredibly hard for me to write and talk about, yet also it's very cathartic and it is also soothing and healing all at the same time!!! Totally, utterly crazy, right? Did I take laxatives and diuretics? Yes I did. I also took pseudoephedrine that is an appetite suppressant and four hours. I restricted ( with held any nutrients from my starving body) and I purged by form of excessive exercising (6 mile a day power walks regardless of the heat or cold). I drank a lot of coffee and diet Mt.Dew, which I still consume a lot of . And I just found out that there is a natural mineral you can buy over the counter to suppress the appetite . It's Chromium. Very inexpensive too. The battle that I fight each and every year during the holidays is crippling sometimes. I've watch two of my friends die from their EDO's and I don't want to be the next.
A person's heart can only take so much ...I have experienced chest pain, palpitations, arrthymias too. So far the lowest my potassium has sunk down to the level "2" requiring IV intervention. IV potassium burns if you don't have a central line for it to run in to and it has to be infused peripherally .(veins in your hands).
I have to honestly say that I have had a better year this year as far as not as many hospital stays , which is great for me! I choose life!!! I have to fight for it every single day of my life, much like an alcoholic fights , to stay sober each day, we are a lot a like! With God all things are possible! I have a life time worth of living yet to do....and a lot of sharing to do ...talk to you all soon! Love and God Bless!
Pam aka PKS
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