Pardon my many spelling errors in my previous posts! It's sooo beautiful outside and I really would love to take a 45 min-60min. power walk to justifye the lunch I just ate. I don't give myself credit for normal behaviors like eating lunch. That is what people do. I ate until I was full, but in my mind full = fat. I don't think this way about anyone else, only me. I was told by my Psychiatrist that I was normal in every way but one way . He told me that I had a "gliche" in my thinking when it come to my perception of being fat and my ultimate fear of food. I tend to be a perfectionist. I don't like to do anything half "assidly" . I know that is not a word, but it's one I use a lot! LOL. I was raised with the motto, "Anything worth doing , is worth doing right! Give 100 % and nothing less. And in my mind that includes giving 100 % to my EDO's when I have fell off of the wagon ,so to speak. If I am going to work out 15minutes, heck go for 60 minutes or until it hurts , or until I can not go any further. I am allowing my common sense to reason with me much better than I used to. Before when I would suffer chest pain or have heart arrthymias during exercise I would ignore it, call my self a woose, and push on. (I have lost 2 friends who ignored their symptoms. Their EDO's killed them!) Now I have the common sense to STOP or to not even start if I am feeling ill or having any type of arrthymias. Before I entered my first treatment center for "Anorexia, Bulimia, and Depression" I was terribly reluctant to seek help. I am sooo glad I did receive treatment, not once, not twice, but over 17 times. There were 2 times I came very close to dying. Not many people know that. I have infact caused some permanent damage to my body from all the years of EDO abuse. Fasting,(restricting),obsessive exercising,laxatives,diuretics, (coffee and over the counter ), and stimulants and appetite suppressants such as pseusoephedrine I took all of the time. In nursing school, I had my stash of pseudoephedrine,pack of gum,diet Mt. Dew, and Coffee at all times. My fellow students didn't realize at the time by me studying through my lunch hour and not eating was actually better for me than walking 2 miles every lunch hour and not eating. I gave in and I began to walk those 2 miles every lunch hour and not eat. In the medical profession and EDO's they have a word for this and it is called, "practicing". I hate that word! To me , practicing, is like practicing the piano. You live and learn! Right now I am seriously thinking about going on an hour walk, yet I have math homework up the wazoo. I don't know if common sense will win today. Be kind to your self !
Love and Kisses!
Be Back Later,
Pam aka PKS :)
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