I Love The Holidays ,but the food and festivities scare the hell out of me..

You see in the stores that Thanksgiving and Christmas ornaments, knick-knacks, rows of cooking essentials ,plus rows and rows of Christmas Candy line the shelves.  Music is playing, it's an awesome sight!  Infact we are planning a family baking day to make all sorts of goodies to share ,eat, and give away.  Part of me is so excited! Especially shopping gifts for others!  The bonding with my family during our day of baking,yet for me there are stipulations that I set for my self before I can even taste what we are making...How much do I weigh? And it must be a fresh early morning weight so that it is accurate in my mind.  That so called number will determine what I will be able to eat and sample on our baking day. If I am really stressed prior to the baking day..I may have to lose wt. in a week or so before , in order to allow myself to enjoy and sample ,especially the chocolate goodies.  I am pouring my heart out here, following what I fell God is leading me to do...share my struggles with others. Having support is key in getting into recovery and staying in recovery.  You see, I don't understand this illness either , most of the time.  I do know it is about control and trying to stay in some type of control when in reality my world may be spending our of control.  I learned this as a very little girl.  I hope to make some new friends, talk to my best friends, as I take this journey into my world, a world that I struggle each day to live with out having my EDO's be an obstacle in my life.  I know with God leading my way , my wonderful husband and kids, and awesome friends...I will someday beat this!  Talking about it is healing and soothing...as hard as it may be to share my distorted thoughts about my body image..I am determine to reach out to others and pray others will reach out to me.  Good Sunday Morning Eveyone!