Sleeping Off The Hunger Pains......If Only The Fear Was Not So Great.....

I am near tears I am so freaking hungry....but you see..I ate once today..I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a piece of strawberry-rhubarb pie and a glass of milk...can't forget my coffee.. that is all I have had to day and I am scared to death that if I eat any more that it will all turn to fat!  Hell, I am almost 50 years old and things sag!!! Yes...things sag..my boobs are already sagging.  I carried 3 children to full term....that saggy skin around my waist is there forever..it's not going anywhere Pam...get over it.  The chicken neck...well get over that too.  Grow old gracefully... I am very emotional right now.. talked to my dad this afternoon.  I love my dad.. he doesn't really understand my EDO's but he has always tried.  He reads up on  them, he watches news specials about "Anorexia and Bulimia".  Then he tells me what it is he is learning or has learned.  He doesn't condemn me for it, he never has.  He doesn't argue with me or try and talk me out of having EDO's by just simply saying, "Eat Pam" .  What he doesn't understand he doesn't condemn me for, bless his heart.  I have the greatest dad in the entire world.  Back in the 60's it was unheard of for the dad's to raise their kids alone without their wifes, for kids to grow up with out their mom around 24-7.  Ya...I have the best dad ever and I told him today , just how proud I am of him.  I know he loves all of his kids...and he sure misses my brother "Chris".  It's our first year with out Chris...I know I have mentioned that before in another blog.  I'm a talker...one thing I am good at.  I have been known to open my mouth and insert my foot clear up to my eyeballs....but that is another blog all in its self.....LOL...See...I crack myself up sometimes..and that is ok!  I'm sure , yes positive that God wants us to laugh at ourselves, with ourselves, with others...:)  This has helped me considerably to blog...to get my mind off of wrong thoughts...Someday I am going to truly love me for me...not giving a damn about how much I weigh or how much I eat...God Show Me The Way Please...
OK!!! It's Potty Time for 4 beautiful "canine kids" then this o'l women can go to sleep and sleep away the hunger...I know it's not normal...it's a choice I'm making because I am sooo fearful to eat.  I pray someday I will figure it out...Goodnight everyone...if you are reading this..I am grateful!  Talk to you soon!

                                                                                               PKS